Gossamer Tapestry

Reflections on conservation, butterflies, and ecology in the nation's heartland

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dear John,



Ever since you leaked orange coolant all over my lab bench last week, I’ve been reevaluating our relationship. After much soul searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that you are unreliable. My needs aren’t being met. And, frankly there have been performance problems lately. Your inability to bring my PCR runs all the way to completion causes me concern. Your explanation for this, “error 44 unable to sustain temperature,” really sounds more like an excuse than anything else. I know that you aren’t as young as you once were, but I still need you to be able to sustain temperature all the way to the end of the run. My experiments are being left unfulfilled.

As I have considered our relationship, I’ve had to conclude that it’s time for me to move on. It isn’t you- it’s me. I’m not the same person that I was when you first came into my life. My needs have changed. I know they say that size doesn’t matter, but a 24-reaction capacity just isn’t enough to satisfy me anymore. I ‘m looking for someone with at least 96 wells. Not to put too fine a point on it, your footprint is just too big.

So I’m moving on. Right now, I’m playing the field. I’ll be trying out a couple of other thermocyclers. Please don’t feel bad- I’m sure that you will be able to find another investigator with whom you can have many successful experiments. I’ll always remember you fondly.

What more can I say?

Doug


Hey baby. Rrrowr. Woof.

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14 Comments:

At 09:56, Blogger Rick MacPherson said...

funniest. post. ever.

 
At 11:00, Anonymous Jyoti said...

lol! VERY FUNNY!

 
At 15:01, Blogger Kathiesbirds said...

Doug, you are really good at breaking up! are you experienced in this department? Very funny! BTW, I have some new bugs on my blog just for you!

 
At 16:55, Blogger T.R. said...

Wow a bug man with a sense of humor!

The spider was for you - spiked-back orb weaver? Reminds me of the hat Jughead used to wear in the Archie comics.

That bug at Kathiesbirds is curious.

 
At 18:36, Blogger Doug Taron said...

Rick and Jyoti- Thanks. I had fun with it.

Kathie- Well, I don't have much experience breaking up with people, as my partner and I have been together for over 25 years. Lab equipment, on the other hand...
I'll go check out your bugs.

T.R.- Correct on the spider ID. I have no idea whether they are native to Hawaii or not. The first time I ever saw one was also on an isolated island- Bermuda.

 
At 18:56, Blogger Lemuel said...

bigger is better. ;)

 
At 19:19, Blogger cedrorum said...

Fantastic.

 
At 20:36, Blogger robin andrea said...

I always thought breaking up was hard to do. Not for you. Well done, doug.

 
At 13:29, Anonymous Mark H said...

Somehow I know the new investigators won't give Thermo the exciting kind of life he had with you. Poor guy. At least you didn't just, you know, "put him to sleep." Enjoy your new relationship.....with Thermo II. A great writeup, Dr. T.

 
At 12:10, Blogger rodger said...

96 wells?!! That'll wear you out.

Very funny, Doug. Thanks for a great start to my day.

 
At 00:07, Blogger Ur-spo said...

best to go backwards rather; get some paper cups and some string....

 
At 22:40, Blogger butterfly girl said...

There are many thermocyclers in the sea. Thank God I don't need one.

Glad to see some jolliness going around!

 
At 14:06, Blogger Dr. Know said...

The funniest Ode to a Thermocycler I've seen this year.

 
At 16:37, Blogger Doug Taron said...

Thanks to all for your appreciation of my geeky silliness.

Dr. Know- Welcome to the Tapestry. Thanks for dropping by.

 

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